And He’s Off…

Posted: July 31, 2014 by cracker666 in Uncategorized

An excellent valedictory speech by me old tin plate Eric:

RSDUMBOne of the journalism students got on to a very good story today about – guess what – more ad hockery and stupidity coming out of rugby.

Now, I don’t want to give too much away as the latest story in a long line is yet to run, but here’s the thing.

Said student rang our old mate Don(‘t) at Rugby Southland for comment.

After getting that and hanging up, all of a sudden she had the people she had spoken to earlier ringing up and asking her to excise some of their quotes from her story.  An odd coincidence.

Fair enough, some of it might have been heat of the moment stuff, and she still had enough quotes to write a very good yarn.

Next thing, the president of the club involved in this sorry mess rings and and tells her she’s not allowed to print the story.  Apparently they want to work out this mess with Don(‘t) without any stories being published.  I don’t believe that for a second for other reasons, but benefit of the doubt prevails etc.

We strike this a lot at journo school (and in the industry too, to be fair).  So for those of you without the knowledge, here’s a few tips:

  1. Unless it’s subject to an injunction or something similar, we’ll print it.
  2. Unless there are very good reasons to hold or spike a story, we’ll print it.
  3. You cannot tell a journalist (even a student one) that they are not allowed to print a story just because you don’t like it.  We’ll print that too.
  4. Bullying tactics just make journos dig deeper to find out why you are so agitated.  We will (once again for emphasis) print what we find if it’s newsworthy.
  5. If we’ve got all the information we need and there are no obvious legal reasons to hold off, we’ll print it.

So expect to see it in print.  One way or the other.  And don’t try the bully boy tactics again or we might just start digging around looking at secret bank accounts and things to do with salary caps….

We Do Our Best For The Game

Posted: July 25, 2014 by cracker666 in Uncategorized


After the widespread support we received for our Keeping The Sheilas In The Kitchen and Get Rid Of Jimmy campaigns, we’d just like to remind clubs of a few other bans in place this weekend:

  1. Marist players are banned from tackling Woodlands players in the Galbraith Shield final.  Those players cost a lot of money and now that Robbie Robinson has decided to sign with Harbour, if any of the Stags On Layby, sorry, Woodlands team get injured, we might have to default our first ITM Cup match.
  2. Blues second XV is banned from playing anyone who might have played rugby ever in the division 2 match against Riverton.  We don’t want a repeat of last year where you made us look stupid.
  3. We’d like to reiterate the ban on women on pitches, unless of course you are applying a cold compress to an injured player (hopefully not from Hire Purchase Stags Woodlands) or doing a sexy dance in skimpy clothing at halftime.  Pop back into the kitchen and get us a pie, luv.
  4. Anyone wearing the colour green, along with cigarettes and alcohol in glass bottles, is banned from Rugby Park on July 26 2014.  This to avoid a clash with the grass.
  5. The full time ban on common sense remains in place and anyone seeking refresher courses on acting like a dictator can contact us on 216 8694.

PS Ladies a plate.



Posted: July 20, 2014 by cracker666 in Uncategorized

The Part-Time Mayor goes off on a non-tangential tangent yet again:

During my term in office Invercargill has used brands such as “The Friendly City”, “We’ve Got What It Takes”, “The Spirit of a Nation”, and the “Child Youth and Family Friendly City”. They were all positive brands but none of them made it to the top three when Venture Southland conducted perception surveys on brands and images associated with the south. It was always the Bluff oyster, Zero Fees and myself that dominated these surveys. None the less (sic), we should always be on the lookout for new brands or inspirational slogans that will help promote the region.

No, I think what that tells you is that way too much money (incidentally, none of it belonging to the PTM’s own pocket) has been spent on stupid, illogic attempts at branding.  I note he missed out “Where Dreams Are Possible and Nightmares Guaranteed“.

There was an advertising feature in the Sunday Star-Times today that outlined Invercargill’s benefits, which were, in part:

  • No traffic jams
  • Affordable quality housing
  • Gateway to the southern lakes.

Nothing about being child friendly, nation spirited, or having what it takes (whatever the hell that means).  Just solid benefits that people can relate to.

Anyway, the PTM moves on to the Stadium, saying:

…we have a brand new stadium that is probably the strongest facility of its kind in the world. Surely it’s time to move on and enjoy what we have achieved. It’s now almost debt free…

Balls it is.  It owes Holdco $7 million (which will never be paid back) and has a growing debt of about $3.5 million with no way of servicing it.

That’s 24% of the total cost.  How is that “almost debt free”?



Regional Guides

Posted: July 10, 2014 by cracker666 in Uncategorized

Had to laugh.  This is the front cover of Local Government NZ’s Guide to Local Government:

cof1This is the Invercargill version of the same publication:

cof2How apt.


On The Buses

Posted: July 10, 2014 by cracker666 in Uncategorized

A new bus service to ferry the 336 Invercargill residents who said they want to spend more time in Esk St starts today.

The buses, which will pick the 336 people up from their homes and drop them back once they’ve finished sitting in the pocket park, will be paid for from a special rate on all residents.

“The cost of $750,000 per annum is a small price to pay to create a vibrant inner city,” a Council spokesthing said.  “To get these 336 people in Esk Street will be a boon for the three retail outlets, two hairdressers, and kebab shop left there after H&Js completed their mall complex further up the street.”

Leeroy, who said he would spend more time in Esk St during the faux consultation, was looking forward to the free bus service and sitting in the pocket park.

“I just dunno how all 336 of us are gonna fit on the pocket park at once.  Maybe there’ll be shifts.”

Council staff expected a drop off in bus use over the summer holidays, as 86 percent of the 86 percent who said they would spend more time in Esk St were friends of the students press-ganging people in to fill out survey forms and would not be here over the summer.


Posted: July 9, 2014 by cracker666 in Uncategorized

From the “I Don’t Spend A Lot Of Time Focusing On Geopolitical Reality” files, comes this:


Ah yes, that old Maori ancestry paper:


Building a relationship with China by talking about Taiwan is, despite the recent visit by a high-ranking Chinese official to Taipei, an own goal and yet again illustrates why local government politicians should not travel offshore unless it is to retire.

The Part Time Mayor really is the gift that keeps on giving.  Or taking.