Don’t Get Me Started

Posted: February 9, 2013 by cracker666 in Uncategorized

Adductor-pubic-bone-painWire agency APNZ has quickly come up with five weird injuries in sport after Marina Erakovic fell over and dislocated her thumb in a hotel.  I always felt really sorry for Trevor Franklin.

A few days before I was due to leave Dunedin to do post-grad in Wellington in 1989,  I went for my bog-standard run which included the Caversham Valley Road hill, a hill I had run up at least 320 times previously (yes, I still have all my athletics training diaries).  Halfway up to Lookout Point, I felt as if someone had just smashed me in the goolies.  Long story short, I hobbled up the hill on one leg and eventually made it back to Maryhill Terrace.

I went to the doctor the next day.  He, in his esteemed medical opinion, believed it was a twisted testicle and spent some time painfully manipulating the meat and two veg before saying….”no, they seem to be OK.”

As I was off to Wellington, I waited until I arrived there before seeing a physio who extracted a large wedge of cash (from me and ACC) and after three weeks told me I was as good as gold.  I wasn’t, but post-grad and bad habits taught by Dr Thaddeus Jack and some other classmates in the back bar at the Southern Cross Tavern kept me from testing it too much.

When I got a job, I ended up living in the country and started running again.  Which meant my flatmate had to drive me to Palmerston North hospital one day in screaming pain.  A nurse said “twisted testicle” and did the old ball squeeze again before I ripped the mask off and said “NO!  They’ve already done that!”

Big mistake.  They checked for a hernia and were about to shave me and wheel me into theatre when a young doctor said “Get Albert.”  Next thing I knew, another doctor with the longest fingers I had ever seen was whacking on a rubber glove and asking for KY jelly.  I blocked the next bit out, but whatever he was looking for wasn’t there and I was discharged in a catatonic state with none of us any the wiser as to what was wrong.

I didn’t run again until I moved to London three years later.  At first gingerly, but then managed to get up to a solid 10-12km along the Thames every night after a couple of years.  I did a few road races in the States, and then started to feel a twinge again and gave up.

I got back to NZ and had to do a medical for a job.  The doctor asked if I had any existing conditions and I told him.  He ordered an X-ray.  No-one else had thought to do this over the previous seven years.  It showed I had pretty much torn the adductor brevis off the bone.

“It’s healed up again, but there’s a fucking big lump of scar tissue there,” he said.  “Want me to get someone to work on trying to break that down?”

“Will they have to stick their finger up my arse?”

He laughed his head off and I told him the whole story.  Then he shook his head and said “all for the want of one X-ray….”

Needless to say, going from running sub-10 minute three kilometre runs to now being happy if I can do a sub-15 minute one is a bit galling, and nearly 10 years of intermittent running drove me spare.  But it is a salutary lesson: if you are going to injure yourself, try and stay away from the groin area, and if you get admitted to Palmerston North hospital and they call for “Albert”, run like hell.

  1. Appassionata di Musica says:

    Never mind your groin, you made the front page of the fish ‘n’ chipper this morning! Admittedly below the fold, but in such esteemed company!

  2. shorty says:

    I used amused at the headline. In praise of the Southland Times? The content of the column didn’t suggest anything of the sort. Very good ad for your blog though…do tell us how the traffic stats go.

    • cracker666 says:

      Traffic is already 75% up on a normal day’s traffic, let alone a Saturday….cheers Kremlin!

    • Theposterformerlyknownas says:

      If the mayor wrote the headline, I’d suggest it’s more to do with trying buy some (more) favour in advance of something.

      Not sure exactly what else he’s trying to say in there – The Southland Times is great, but no-one will pick up it’s stories to take national? The council is transparent but everything he learns about their dealings comes via third parties? CQAE has had to upgrade it’s gearbox to handle the ‘affairs’ of city hall? Paddy Lewis has no money and is not very young? OK, maybe he got some things right.

      Seems he’s at his self-contradicting best, and I’m not sure anyone would get too upset with him truncating his speeches so they can get on and do what they’ve come down here to do.

  3. shorty says:

    Actually I *was* amused…

  4. Theposterformerlyknownas says:

    Hahahahahaha – how about this that just popped up after everyone has read their morning news and gone off for the day

    Did she not formerly work at the council? Does she have no understanding of how these things work? Perhaps I’ve misunderstood what I’ve read about her – I thought she was supposed to be pretty clued up around matters such as these. Seems she’s clueless after all.

  5. TNA says:

    I just read Tim’s comment piece. I can’t believe he forgot the punchline;

    “The aristocrats!”.

  6. Anthony says:

    That piece either shows that the Mayor doesn’t get it at all, or is annoyed that he and his chums are being placed under scrutiny by this blog. Someone has to do it, as the local paper appears incapable. Perhaps the Mayor would do better to ask the poacher to turn gamekeeper if he wants to avoid such scrutiny?

  7. smersh says:

    What about his comment “Once the litigation and legal writs are settled, I’ll be telling my side of the story”. When interpreted I would take this to mean – ‘ I will have sufficient time to come up with a plausible bullshit story like I did when I wrote off the mayoral car by the Experimental Farm at Winton’.

  8. Alastair K says:

    I think we’re all missing a major point here: there was nothing of any great import in this latest column, so why was it promoted to below the fold on the front page? For shit-stirring purposes perhaps?

    • Theposterformerlyknkownas says:

      I think it was a bit of back scratching both ways there – ‘whitewash over the sins of my missus and I’ll tell everyone in bold how great you are. And they’ll believe it because I’m the mayor’ despite what the facts seem to say. Perhaps not shit stirring but an attempt to baffle with bullshit?

      The bit I read over initially was the rubbish at the end about the movie. Something about the young rebels doing deals or becoming the establishment. I take it that was code to say he still thinks of himself as a rebel of sorts. So he’s self-deluded as well if he thinks that’s the case. He’s just another politician looking out for the interests of No. 1.

      • Alastair K says:

        It’s more the reference to Paddy. I know he gets under most people’s skins when he starts to shine a light on their activities, but how was that anything other than a dig?

        • Theposterformerlyknownas says:

          I reckon it was more a nervous attempt to try and deflect attention from his own shortcomings.

          I don’t think he’ll be losing any sleep over it. I hope not anyway – its obviously a nothing comment hardly worthy of a public response and I’d be surprised if he hasn’t had worse before.

          If the mayor is getting tired of the constant monitoring of his performance via CQAE, perhaps he should just start drawing on his multiple terms of experience and stop stuffing so many things up and start being responsible with our money. Problem solved.

  9. Miss Waikiwi 1938 says:

    Other than driving traffic to this blog, the rest of that told no-one anything about how the Council makes Invercargill a better place. I bet any visitors or non-locals reading that thought “what the hell?” And as for the movie references…was that padding, or just the next thing that came into his mind? Disjointed, discreditable and dismissed.

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